Much of my life has been shaped by my struggles with anxiety and depression. I had tried to commit suicide when I was fourteen. The reasons are too much to go into here, but I spent the next three years trying to distance myself from that girl. Eventually I built enough coping mechanisms that I “graduated” out of therapy and medication.
For sixteen years I was coping, but I wasn’t actively working on anything beyond basic survival. My relationship with my physical health, mental health, and personal growth was stunted, at best. Finally, I sought the help I needed to become the me I wanted to be.
This last eighteen months have been a game-changer in becoming a whole person and not just a tangled psyche. I married an amazing man who has been supportive on my journey. I finally faced the fact that there is no shame in therapy or medication for mental health. I am trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle for my physical health. I am trying new hobbies, taking steps to turn my job into an actual career, and looking ahead to starting a family. I have started writing fiction again.
Earlier this year, my therapist mentioned this blog post from a colleague of his. I became intrigued by the concept of living fearlessly. A life of purpose, personal growth and development. For years, fear and depression have crippled my efforts to become the best version of myself possible. As I enter my thirties in earnest, I have said to myself “No more. This year is my year. This is the year I learn to fall in love with myself.”
I plan on getting physically healthy by changing my approach to food, find new ways to get physical activity that are fun and affordable, and research better ways to nourish my body. I am also dedicating myself to my mental health and becoming a resource for others. I’ll be regularly posting about things that have worked for me, linking to interesting articles and sharing resources I find about both mental and physical wellness.
Finally, I very much want this blog to be about learning to not just be a functional human, but a whole person. I want to do more of the things I love — exploring more plus-size fashion, being more of the nerdy girl who loves science fiction and fantasy and fandom, listen to more music and go to more live shows, being more involved in my community and the sociopolitical issues I hold dear to my heart. On April 21st, I’m launching my personal blog about living a geeky, punky life and doing it fearlessly — seventeen years from when I attempted suicide as a scared, lonely teen. It seems a fitting date for new beginnings, and I hope my readers enjoy it.